I think we can all agree that communications skills are vital in a relationship with your significant other… however, we do not necessarily realize the emphasis on how important they are until we are sliced by our lovers words. Relationship experts share their phrases below and how to re-word them. These phrases are certainly ones you’ll want to avoid this holiday season if you want your wish list fulfilled 😉
“I think you need to calm down.”
It can feel belittling and condescending when a partner raises his voice at you. But it’s equally condescending to tell him to “just calm down” in response, said Andra Brosh, a Los Angeles-based psychologist.
“This phrase aggravates a situation much more than it helps,” she said. “Telling someone to calm down is infantilizing and it sends the message that your partner’s feelings are intolerable to you.”
When your partner is upset, remind yourself that what he needs most in that moment is validation and compassion, Brosh said.
“It’s better to say something like, ‘I’m so sorry you’re so upset — let’s just sit down for a minute and breathe together’ or ‘I want to understand why you’re so upset but it’s hard to understand when you yell,'” she said.
“You don’t ever help out with the kids.”
If you and your partner have kids, there are going to be times where one of you feels like you’re doing more of the hands-on, day-to-day parenting. While it’s important you tell your partner she needs to step up her parenting game, don’t be blunt about it, said Detroit-based relationship coach Lisa Schmidt.
“Rather than saying something like, ‘You don’t ever help with the kids,’ try to focus on the positive,” she said. “Tell your wife, ‘Seth just loves it when you’re there to pick him up from practice. He really lights up when he sees your car.”
Then sort out the logistics of pickups and drop-offs on a weekly basis, Schmidt suggested. “Set aside 15 minutes each Sunday to plan the week, so both parents are getting in time with the kids.”
“Nevermind, I’ll just do it myself.”
This phrase is just as dismissive and damaging as the example above, said Schmidt.
“When you say ‘nevermind,’ you’re rejecting your spouse and not allowing him to listen to what you need,” she said. “But a relationship is a partnership, not a personal platform to martyr yourself. Don’t diminish the talents, input and assistance your spouse can bring to any given situation.”
Instead, say, “I could really use your help with (insert problem). That would be such a time-saver or load off my back,” Schmidt said.
Read more from the original source here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-7-most-damaging-phrases-in-a-relationship_560d713de4b076812701148f?utm_hp_ref=life-handbook